After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
