she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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