I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
