Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
