I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
