there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
