She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Boobs are out for the taking
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
