i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I love you. Go after that dick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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