Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
