I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
