Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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