She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
