In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My friends, they love my intelligence
babies were throwing up all over the place
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
