if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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