Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
