i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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