I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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