Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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