you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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