When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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