Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize