my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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