Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
