She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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