The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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