She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
