She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
