It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
id be glad to
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I am one with the molecules
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
