Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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