I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
ttyl tear gas
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
