I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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