We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
