my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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