Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
