she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
