Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
