That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
