I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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