I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
