if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
