I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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