remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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