yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
