So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
