i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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