There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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