they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
