My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
