She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
