Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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