Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
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My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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