so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
