Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
