Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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