is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
