Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
