I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
