This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
