i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
