There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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