He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
