She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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