I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize