Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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