i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
