careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
