Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
