So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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